Crying For all the Men Struggling in Silence

By Rabi Ummi Umar,

Men are the foundation and cornerstone of every nation and household. As ordained by Almighty God, man was created and endowed with strength and leadership qualities. According to divine design, man is destined to be the head of the household, with woman as his partner and helpmate, working together in harmony and mutual respect.

Just like women, men are human beings with emotions and vulnerabilities, despite being socialized to project strength and resilience. Society’s expectations often dictate their behavior, leaving them little choice but to conform to traditional masculine norms.

It is quite a relief to see men being recognized and appreciated, which is precisely why International Men’s Day is observed annually on November 19. This global celebration acknowledges men’s invaluable contributions to society while addressing their distinct challenges. The 2024 theme, Men’s Health Champions, aptly emphasizes enhancing men’s overall well-being and promoting healthy lifestyles.

Growing up, I would often watch my dad sit outside after dinner and Isha prayer—the last prayer of the day for Muslims—alone in contemplation. Whenever we asked him why, he would smile and say he was just receiving some “fresh air,” and we would respectfully leave him be.

At the time, I thought he truly was just savoring the evening breeze. But growing older brought the realization that it was his way of collecting his thoughts and recharging after a long, hectic day of working tirelessly to provide for us. It was his way of coping with unrelenting stress and finding solace, yet we could never quite grasp the depth of his emotions.

Traditionally, men are expected to provide for their loved ones, including their partners, children, and themselves. With numerous responsibilities bestowed upon them by societal norms, they have largely embraced this role and its accompanying challenges without complaint.

Society has consistently placed high expectations on men, often disregarding their mental and emotional well-being. This has resulted in immense pressure on them, with little consideration for their inner struggles.

If they fail to pay children’s school fees on time, their homes become disastrous and uninhabitable due to constant nagging. If they miss rent payments, they are deemed irresponsible. And if they cannot provide for their wives’ glittering desires, they are labeled bad husbands. So, how can we reasonably expect them to maintain their sanity?

Even in relationships, if a man does not call on time, he is deemed out of love. If he does not send money, he is not “the one.” And if he fails to meet friends’ and family’s standards, the advice is to “find someone else.”

Since men are less likely than women to seek help for mental health symptoms, it is not surprising that suicide rates for men are four times higher than for women. This statistic underscores the fact that depression may be the most common mental illness in men.

While these expectations can be valid, they are often unfair. If the tables were turned, society and women would struggle to handle half of what is expected of men. However, this piece is not about shifting responsibilities; it is about shedding light on and raising awareness about men’s mental health.

Men are humans too, with feelings and emotions. The issues we often dismiss as normal can run deeper than they appear, potentially affecting their mental health and leading to depression. We rarely recognize this because men seldom fully express themselves, and we rarely create a safe space for them to open up.

Much like women, men are also victims of sexual assault, harassment, abuse, and other forms of exploitation. Yet how many of these cases come to light? When they do, how do we respond? How often do we show appreciation for the men in our lives—our fathers, sons, brothers, friends, and partners?

Men’s mental and overall health is crucial and must not be overlooked. We should strive to create a society where everyone, regardless of gender, feels comfortable and safe, fostering a better environment for all.

Let us imbibe the habit of celebrating men who break barriers and make a difference in the world—those who provide for their loved ones, bring joy, and positively impact our lives. To every man out there, you are loved, seen, strong, and most importantly, enough.

Let us celebrate the men who struggle in silence. To men out there, we see your struggles, and we are committed to making the world a better place for you and all of us.

Rabi Ummi Umar is a student of Al-Hikmah University and can be reached via: [email protected].